I'm a fat liar

Well... 
Holy shit, that didn't take long for me to eat my words. So apparently when asked, I will not decline a key, especially when Elo asks me to go, cuz I know he can carry my horrible damage. 
I had a 12 Iron Docks key, and was iffy on that one, but we did it anyways. Then he lowered his 21 Gambit key to a 15... and I figured what the hell, I'm used to dying several times in keys anyways. I think I only died once but potted so much times LOL. 
Anywhos, after we were done and I got my Achievement for the 15 Key, Elo tells me my vault is gonna be a 304 piece... WHHAAAATTTTT!?!?!?!?!
sure enough I go look. holy cripes!!!! 
This is awesome!!!! I need more!... and I know I've talked about how proud I was about my damage in heroics, well shit... Nothing like keys to put your sorry ass in its place.
I know my role... Here, this is my role when running keys with Elo:
- don't stand in shit
- poke at things when you're not running around like headless chicken
- try not to wipe the group
- SS tank or heals... I would say him too, but he never dies
- look cute
- sit back and collect your valor to go upgrade your shit

Aww man, I'm a pro at being carried already, I love it. How sad am I that after freaking out about all this shit, all it takes is upgrading my gear that makes me change my tune real quick. Sadly it's addicting... I want more, More, MORE!!!! Maybe I'm bi-polar or something. sooo kidding, that's a serious condition and I should not be making jokes. 

Anyways... just wanted to share my first 304 vault option...
Fuckin TUESDAY!!! hurry up and get here already! UGH!

ok bye!

OK, I take it back

So yeah, I take back every depressing thing I said a couple days ago in the last post.
I think it was just a little slap in the face reality check. You won't be as good as you once were, but you know what... who the frick cares.
I let the whole situation get out of hand and I got in my own head.

I'm not a raider or a key pusher so after today's vault that got me my 298 helm replacing a 265, I am content with staying at 280 IL until Dragonflight comes out. If I happen to get better stuff from here on out, I will not complain of course, but I won't seek it out.
I took a break for a day to pretty much settle the fuck down. I got super worked up and forgot how much I just enjoy this game. I've never let it get to me as bad I did a few days ago. It made me feel horrible almost to the point of crying... almost.
I'm not gonna stress out about reading how other Demo locks play. I have always learned it on my own, do what I'm comfortable with and try out different things as I run lower stuff. Which is where my Heroic Dungeon crawls come in. Tweak things here and there as I run through stuff that I know I won't die in. It's how I learn. It works for me. And the biggest thing for me... I enjoy it, and that's really what matters right. Now I can't guarantee I'm not gonna have a freakout moment and bitch about the fact that I still suck... Whoa whoa, just stay away from keys then I guess cuz that's where my stress comes in LOL. 

Alright, this screenshot of a convo I had, made my night. Sweet lock, If they only knew my IL was prolly a good 30+ above everyone else in that dungeon LOL. Still, it was nice to hear. After the last boss in dungeons, I usually say thanks and leave party right away to que for my next. This person took the time to give me a compliment after I had already left. Of course I wasn't gonna lie and pretend it was cuz my mad Demo lock skillz LOL. I'd like to think that has something to do with it, but naw... My gear is OP for Heroics, I know this. There was more to the conversation but more of just unrelated chit chat. I am in no position to help someone with Demonology so I wasn't about engage in helping them. It would not benefit them and it would just show how much I do not know everything I should about this spec haha.
I mash buttons bruh! FACT! ...kidding.

Alright my last screenshot here was of my damage meter pretty much throughout the dungeon which is what led to this little lock to thinking I was crushing shit. Not the numbers necessarily just how much of a damage difference I was doing ahead of everyone else. 

I won't lie, I have dabbled in looking on the premade groups for a low key group to jump into, But like I told the lock in our convo... It fuckin scares me. I see a lot of 2 keys but it's for lower Kara and Workshop. Uuummmmmm... nah, I'll pass. With that being said if there was an ingame "Chicken Shit" title... I would have to pop that on Deadskully. Wait it's not her fault... I'm the chicken shit one, not her.

All in all... I am getting better at doing stuff that makes me happy ingame again and not stressin' myself out so much. Thats why we play it right... to have fun, and for a bit I forgot what that was like. I'm not saying I won't ever do another key, but I won't stress about it. 
OK bye!
<3 Skully

Why I'm happy but still depressed.

First, I shall tell you why I am super happy! Then I will get into why the frick I am super sad. 

I've had 6 vault options before but this is the highest IL of a piece I've got, 298!!! I just hope it can replace one of my lowest pieces. I believe the second mythic gives me a 280 something, and the last mythic has a 270 something piece. I still have several 265 gear so anything will be good really. I thank my friend Elo for running me through these. He's too nice, always trys to make sure I have the 6 options available to open by Tuesday. But this week I did do all the LFR by myself as I am really trying not to be a helpless pain in the ass. Do shit on your own bruh, yeah yeah I know.
Oh and might I add that I did NOT even die once... seriously for me that is a huge feat.

Next happy thing! I hit 278 IL!!! I know its shit still compared to the max but honestly when I think of a couple months ago, I did not think I was gonna break 230 cuz I was not doing raids (LFR) or even running dungeons. But like I said before the bug crawled back and the fuckin thing is not leaving. I did want to get my M+ to at least 1000 this week but that won't happen. maybe next week.

another thing on this pic, I hit renowned 80 with Night Fae. Switched from Venthyr about a week ago but I only had to go 20 lvls cuz I bought the 60 boost. I'm liking Night Fae, but I have to get used to it.

Super happy thing! AMBER DIREHORN!!!!
I really was not expecting this, I mean do we ever really expect a drop when we kill anything that not's a 100% drop rate?... nah. I've killed so many Warbringers in Pandaland and I have gotten the Slate during MoP, now I just need the Jade, I will get it... hopefully soon. I really went to panda for Sha and Galleon kills, but decided to just fly and circle the island rather than using FP. I'm so glad I did. Not being lazy paid off last night. yay!!!

Alright now let's get into why, although it seems like things are going good, I'm somewhat depressed ingame. So much so that today is Sunday, I'm done with all my school homework, but I have not even logged on. I just don't really feel like it. When you have a moderately good IL and your class and spec is supposed to be crushing shit, and you've played this toon your whole WoW life... BUT you suck ass. It's super defeating.  Look, people can only help me so far, and I need to take it the rest of the way. In the past, I've always played my own way, I think the only thing I really look at is what stats are the best. I usually can talent into what I feel will work best for me and I figure out my own rotation. And I used to always crush shit in dungeons and raids. Target dummys were always getting beat up by me because I was always focused on my damage, but to be honest I think I've only beat up on them like twice this expansion. 
Like I said, people can only help me so far. I've been told suggestions to check out several sites and addons for help. I switched a couple talents and only a few covenant soulbind abilities, but with that, takes out some of my normal rotation Im comfortable with. It's like a baby learning how to walk... well maybe not THAT extreme, but you get the gist. I have not gotten used to it yet. I think I do need to give myself a break as I did just switch a couple days ago. And if you say "well you should be used your class and spec by now, you've played it forever!", I will slap the shit out of you. It just super depressed me that no matter how much my IL goes up, my lock abilities will still be shit. Oh yeah and I had to also be reminded about upgrading gear and the whole turning them into tier.. WHAAATTTT!!!?!?!? so fail.
Anyways hold the friggen phone! Yeah I should give myself a break. The last time I ran stuff, I was in a guild, I had several friends I played with on the regular, we ran things all the time, there was none of this keys/ M+ shit. Things were easy, I knew mechanics because we all got in vent and just had a good time. Mechanics are a huge problem for me currently, I know this. Almost to the point it makes me feel stupid when I am told what to do but I still don't execute it properly. A part of my pride dies everytime Deadskully eats shit and has to get res'd or release. I know because I'm so focused on not standing in shit, running away from something, or absorbing something I'm not even thinking about the boss that needs to be killed. Or if I'm killing stuff you can bet your sweet ass I am definitely standing in something or getting blasted in the face. Mechanics now give me anxiety just thinking about it. Volcanic, raging, bolstering, etc, what the fuck is thiiiis?!?!?! all that fuckin rubbish. Which is why, I should just accept the fact that I am and forever always will be just a Heroic Dungeon crawler. But I will be honest, my gear is too high for those now and I always top those meters unfairly. But I enjoy them, I get nothing from them besides gold. But I am ok with that.
If I want a challenge, I'd need to get my head out of my ass, stop crying and being a little baby bitch and just get better. Maybe someday, but I've always said I'd do that and still haven't. Maybe just stick to solo stuff... pets, mounts, achievements, mogs, alt levelling and my screenshots. It's what makes me happy... and sadly I am not at the moment.